It’s a common theme you’ll find in anything produced here at Hunting the Heart that things, feelings and events that cause paralysis, denial and over-reaction always warrant attention. I joke that we’re a culture of aggressive avoiders in that we imagine that if we conduct ourselves in ways that appear optimistic or straightforward that we can pretend we’re actually dealing with our lives in a masterful way. We discourage input from others that would ask us to look at what we may prefer to avoid. You’ll notice this in people who over- talk and over- analyze, who we find often do so as a form of self- protection or of resistance. It’s a way to keep control of the situation by flooding it with our own output, and as a result, our emotional frequency. People like this don’t always think of themselves as 'control freaks’ as we might understand them, but notice that it disables involvement from others, which would naturally be a relinquishing of control. When it comes to creativity and worry, we may at first not even think of them as relatives on the emotional or the motivational scale, but if you’re like me, as soon as worry creeps in, my creativity and enthusiasm immediately and substantially, suffer. It’s like my body turns to clay— cold, unmoving, and certainly not inspired. There’s lots of philosophies on how to deal with worry, but a common contemporary view, such as we get from the law of attraction movement sounds like, ‘get away from the problem.’ I’ve heard it said time and time again, that if something makes you experience negative emotion, the solution begins with moving away from the stimulus. The idea here, and it’s an understandable one, is basically emotional triage— the worry is your uncontrollable bleeding, therefore, stop the bleeding. It appears to come as a response to the previous cultural attitude, which was more along the lines of 'suck it up and make it work.’ I tend to be a little conflicted about these approaches because I think in many ways, they’re both short- sighted. I think the 'get away’ people perhaps don’t experience enough of the victory and transformation of pushing through a difficulty and succeeding and I also don’t think that worry will kill you in the way that uncontrollable bleeding might. I happen to think we have a little more emotional capacity than that. We certainly need to take the variables of our lives into consideration and eliminate as many as possible that would harm us but indeed, many sources of worry can’t be avoided and trying to do so would strongly limit our capacity to live and grow. On the other hand, the ’suck it up people’ seem to derive pleasure not in the victory of conquering challenge, but in suffering, which I also have little interest chasing. The ‘life isn’t meant to be fun’ attitude in my opinion is antiquated, and pretty self- punishing and there’s something vital in our human development in moving past it. So if a naturally avoidant, or paralysis- prone person, like myself, is making an effort not to be frozen by worry, but without all the teeth- gritting, what is there to do? Something that has really helped is to notice that worry— the clay in the belly feeling- is a byproduct of fear. The worry itself, as a sensation in the body, IS the avoidant response. So it’s not that I’m suddenly paralyzed by worry, but that worry IS the paralysis. The clay- feeling is how I recede from my body and from my thoughts of fear, hurry, lack etc. When we look at it that way, we begin to realize why it’s so challenging to be creative when we experience fear. Our fear has prompted an unrecognized recession from the body and from that disjointed place, it’s really challenging to create in a heart- filled way. I certainly understand the resistance to creating when we feel like this, mostly because I’m guilty myself and my body echoes adrenal memories of staying up too late doing homework but strong thoughts and emotions are also sources of fuel for creative lives. People under severe stress make beautiful art and business owners make nail- biting deals. So, what’s the difference between people like that and people like me, who end up feeling like a deer in headlights at the slightest shake- up? It appears that the solution has more to do with NOT leaving the body, than with not having the fear. Which most of you probably already know. So- The first thing is to realize that the fear doesn’t HAVE to make me exit my body, which is in this instance, what I described earlier as the clay- belly. Some people feel nauseated, others need to go to the bathroom— there are almost infinite iterations of stress- response. I believe in the body and it’s wisdom and of course it functions to protect us but we need to work with it and protect it in return. As much as I believe in the body, I also believe in our capacity to override, or at least find a new way to cope with some of our primal instincts, fight or flight, depending on the circumstances, included. Once I realize that clay- belly isn’t the source of the issue, that something came before it to make me think and feel in a way that prompts clay- belly, I stop feeling like it makes much sense to try to get away from what is essentially the symptom. The paralysis isn’t a sign to work harder and force my way through and I’ve tried it enough times to know that it’s never more fun to run away and see it trailing behind either. So what do I do instead? What I do instead is I hold still. The paralysis has indicated that my fearful thoughts have taken over and I need to return to my body. Now, this means more than just sitting down on the couch and clenching up, it means that through the course of several breaths, some loud, some quiet, some hissing, all very deep, I begin to notice the chaos that fear and anxiety cause. It’s like an emotional anthill is running up and down and all over my body. I may even sometimes wiggle or shiver or grunt. When the hyper- activity subsides, and note that I didn’t say I feel any better about what’s causing the anxiety, I’m just letting all the ants, or all the fragments, or all the scattered, fearful thinking gather in one place where I can actually feel it. That’s the funny thing about avoidance. We run away from a feeling without totally having felt it. Or else we run away from a memory. But once that discomfort gathers in one place, it quickly becomes evident to me that it’s not at all clay, it’s actually quite hot. And it doesn’t clench my belly and my throat as I used to think it did. When I see my fear or my anger or my sadness like that, gathered in one place in my body, the whole thing, with or without a solution, becomes more peaceful. If you try this imagery, I recommend also, once everything is clustered like a ball or a light or an egg, to consciously crack it open, releasing your Self from it. You are both inside and outside the experience, and the pain can radiate around you, without destroying you. It seems to be the fleeing fragmentation that makes the nightmare of paralysis or stuckness so common. It’s the fact that we prioritize getting away from worry that counterintuitively makes it so powerful. We subject ourselves to it, instead of directing where it gets to, and doesn’t get to, exist. In running away from worry, we shatter it throughout our bodies and it becomes even harder to pin down and identify and resolve. In allowing it a place in our consciousness, we heal our negative thoughts and emotions and quite naturally integrate them into our beings. A note on the word heal: As is probably clear to you, healing doesn’t make anything go away. Healing is not avoidance. Healing is integration and allowing our experiences a voice. Fear is one of voices. Now certainly this isn’t a one- time shot, and even one bout of fear- paralysis or manic thinking might take many rounds of breathing and collecting. If you need more help, please find a professional. I’ve certainly experienced a tenacious creep even moments after feeling more free or more sane. What I do believe, though, is that understanding how your body and your emotions vibrate between one another is absolutely essential for improving the quality of daily life. A spiritual practice that doesn’t prepare you for the stresses of living, in my opinion, is pretty weak. The goal here is to improve our skills and improve our awareness, not just for the thrill of having a mystical experience, but to grow in practical ways that we can use to be the people we know we are, and that we can share with those we love.